An Open Letter

Dear Jill:

I'm so sorry, please forgive me.

I heard you and understood you yesterday when you said how the thing you dislike about celebrity is the way people are no longer real with you. How suddenly they're so mesmerized by you that they can't hold normal conversation with you. I stood there and heard you say that, but Jill, I did not listen. And I'm so sorry.

Maybe it was that I'd been standing since 12:30 by the time I'd seen you at 4. Maybe it was that I'd tried and failed to get you to sign my copy of your book the last time I came to see you. Or that every time you come back home I miss you, no matter how many days you're in town. Maybe it was that I'd wanted to know just who you were since the first time I read the answer to "Who is Jill Scott?" in the Inkie.

But whatever the reason was for my behavior, it was no excuse. I was so out of line yesterday Jill, and I'm sorry.

I stood in front of you as you signed your book, grinning like I stole something, and you tried to have a conversation with me. I talked through my smile as if I'd had dental work that stretched my face, saying how I'd missed you the last time you were here and I had to come back. And then, I got beside myself. I asked of you a special request.

You looked at me like I was crazy, and I'm sure I deserved the look. But for whatever reason, you said yes, and you wrote my favorite line of yours in the book.

I was so busy being a (fill in the blank) that I didn't ask you the "real" question I had. I really wanted to ask you why you did not include that fabulous poem from Experience: Jill Scott, "The Thickness." It was the first poem I'd heard by you, and the first poem I looked for in The Moments, the Minutes, the Hours.

I felt more shame than elation as I walked away from your desk. Jill, you are the kind of "celebrity" everyone should be. You are beautifully human, and on that spring Saturday I did not treat you as such. I treated you in the way that turns those other celebrities into the pigs they are. I did not deserve the request you granted. I'm grateful you did it, but I certainly was out of line for asking in the first place.

Sincerely,

Janae