Destiny, or fate?

"Call me a hater, but don't call me jealous."--Me.

I will be the first person to say it, and I have stood by it since 1998: I do not like Destiny's Child. Their first single had to be one of the most irritating tunes I have heard, and then they went and made the sequel and then the remix. It never ended. "No no no no no!" Just when I thought their 15 minutes of fame were over, they went and re-arranged, and then re-rearranged, with only cousins Beyonce and Kelly remaining the constant.

And as goofy as some people think this may sound, I do not dislike each individual "artist." I was impressed with Beyonce's solo venture. I can name a few songs I really dig. Kelly was a'ight. Michelle did her gospel thing, and she has a nice voice (but really, she looks like a fish out of water doing the booty hop on stage). It is when they come together as a group that their individual talent is diluted in silly repetitive tunes and catchy phrases. Their work as DC is to say the least, trite and weak. But I will buy a Kelly Rowland cd before I ever let someone burn me a free copy of "Survivor."

Back to the quintet-that-became-a-quartet-and-is-now-a-trio. It was then "Independent Woman." All the ladies, if you're independent, throw your hands up with me. Rah rah. And of course, "Bills, bills, bills." You trif-aling, good-for-nothing type of brotha, oh silly me, why haven't I found another. I breakout in a rash remembering the nonsense. Of course, I saw right through it all; if you're so independent, you don't have to do make an anthem about it and dance to it. Everybody who meets you will pick up on your "independence." I was called a hater, but I still said, thanks but no thanks.

However, Destiny's Child (aka Beyonce's Destiny) has revealed their true image with their third album. Case in point: "Soilder" featuring Li'l Wayne: We like dem boys that be in the LEX leanin'. Open their mouth their grill gleamin'...They always be talkin' that country slang, we like. They keep that beat that be in the back beatin'. Eyes be so low from the chiefin'. I love how he keep my body screamin'. A rude boy that's good to me, wit street credibillity.

Oh, but it gets worse. Here comes some of the chorus:

If his status ain't hood, I ain't checkin foor him.
Betta be street if he lookin' at me.
I need a soldier that ain't scared to stand up for me
known to carry big thangs
if u know what i mean.

Obviously here, at one point or the other (or maybe never at all and they're all just puppets regurgitating whatever's thrown at them) someone else was doing the writing between The Writing's on the Wall, Survivor and Destiny (un)Fulfilled. I don't know and I really don't care who wrote what, but the blatant demotion of principles here is embarrassing. How can they promote an album where they chant about needing a thug to take care of them, after calling the same brothas trifling three years ago? That's not growth, that's degeneration.

But I'm not the only one here who finds "Soldier" to be a slap in the collective female face. Radio listeners here in Philly have complained, as have most of my female friends. And while I know that there is no such thing as a role model, at least in 2001 the lyrics were marginally empowering. Now young girls who already know how to get their "eagle on" by age three will also grow up thinking that a real man is gangsta. Oh, I hope Destiny Fulfilled means this charade is over, because I've had enough.

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A little pre-holiday foolishness

There sometimes are no words to express my wonderment when reading articles like this:

The Minneapolis Star Tribune reported:

LITTLE FALLS, Minn. -- He's big, he's yellow, and he's missing.
Police in Little Falls are searching for a blow-up figure of SpongeBob SquarePants, taken from his perch atop a Burger King restaurant.
The popular cartoon character was plugging his new movie in a joint marketing deal with Burger King.
Police found a ransom note which reads: ``We have SpongeBob. Give us ten Crabby Patties, fries and milkshakes.'' It was signed by SpongeBob's nemesis, Plankton. And the note had this postscript: ``Patrick is next,'' a reference to SpongeBob's starfish buddy.

This is so silly it's pathetic.

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How Rude!

I admit, I grew up watching Full House on ABC's TGIF like it was nobody's business. Watching Stephanie Tanner say "How rude!" whenever her sister told her to go away. As I am inundated with rudeness on my day-to-day encounters, I think Stephanie hit it on the nail: how rude!

Philadelphia, "The City of Brotherly Love" is anything but. They say you can make it anywhere if you can make it in New Y0rk, but I beg to differ. I met some of the nicest people on the streets of the Big Apple when I went to school there. People who actually stopped to give me directions. People who told me where the nearest Wendy's was. But here, where I try to give the best directions (sometimes to a fault, as I often talk with my hands---all that circling probably is annoying); people are so nasty. So nasty they ought to be ashamed.

My coworker recently moved from upstate New York to live here. One day she was left behind on an assignment, which was luckily within walking distance of the office. On her walk, she asked a passerby where the Broad Street subway was, to which the jerk responded "there ain't no subway on Broad Street." There is one and only one subway in the whole city, and it's on Broad Street! I bet if you offered $20 for directions Philadelphians wouldnt give you a right turn unless you upped the pay to $50. Just pathetic.

Among the other rude things "we" do here (hey, my neighbors in Filthydelfia actually booed Santa and the Mayor) we have a real problem with respecting others in large groups. Metropolitan areas are ones where there are many social events that are free, and thus attract thousands of people at a time. Nevertheless, people have no consideration for others with small children, and gee, strollers or wheelchairs. I've had doors slap me in the shoulder by jerks who dont hold the door when I'm pushing my daughter through a doorway. I've been walked into, and several attemps were made to walk through me. Now, I realize I am on the short side, but I still have personal space. I deserve to walk in a straight line as much as the next person. But people will walk into me, cut me off, shove me, you name it.

But when you have my child involved, you best be expecting fisticufs. For real. I may not be from the hood, but that's a rumble where I'm from. Don't disrespect the stroller. The new thing to do is leap over the stroller, as in hurdle it. You read me right; leap over the stroller. I didn't think it was a trend when a 70-something man lept over my stroller after a theatre matinee on Broad Street (irony anyone?), until yesterday.

At the Philadelphia International Art Expo, where artists, craftsmen, and talents from around the country displayed and sold their gifts, I was pushing my daughter to my job's vendor table, and just as I reached the table, this woman ran and cut me off. Adding insult to injury, the heifer actually jumped over my stroller when she turned around. My coworker as my witness, she jumped over my stroller, and God help me for not nudging the stroller forward just enough for an unfortunate accident to happen. Ooooooooh I wanted to trip that woman and watch her fall just for the audacity of treating my daughter like a like a track obstacle.

This all happened after a day of being shoved, walked into, cut off, and generally treated like I was in the way as I tried to expose my child to some culture amidst some of the most disgusting people on the planet. After over two hours of this, it is easy to understand why I was so tempted to give that woman what she deserved. And you best believe that I did run up behind that old man on Broad Street last year and ram his heels. He deserved it.

For all the culture and rich history, this city is seriously lacking in class. I've had it to HERE. I remember being pregnant and on the bus as a dozen men watched me stand. And I've seen it happen to other women. It's not even about chivalry--which is six feet under here--it's about courtesy. In Philadlephia, to even expect it is to expect disappointment.

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That's Philly for you. Don't say we didn't warn you.  

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Couldn't have said it better....

While I am fashionably late responding to the beef between MJ and Eminem over his latest video, Just Lose It, I did not hear about it late. I went as far as to seek out a copy of the transcript but my sleuthing skills fell short.

Nevertheless, Ambra Nykol, whose blog I have admittedly fallen short on reading/commenting, said just about all there was to say. I do happen to like Eminem, because he is one thing people are squeamish about admitting: entertaining. Call him what you want, the man knows what he is doing. He knows that this whole farce of a sham is going to increase his fanbase and sales, no matter what. He's been the media's "epitome" of controversy since 1999.

That all said, I am befuddled by this whole nonsense, because I don't understand why Michael Jackson is such a precious icon that we must ignore his shortcomings and just plain ole 'not-rightness' just because he's black. In the words of Star, don't patronize me with your silly tribalism. What, am I supposed to support (dry heaves) R. Kelly even though he is a friggin pedophile, because he's black and so am I? Give me a break, really. So BET has decided to keep airing UnCut (read: the porno versions of videos) but has pulled Em's video just for the MJ satire. How predictable. And, since I mentioned R.Kelly, how many of his videos have been pulled at BET, you know the ones with barely legal girls clad in handkerchiefs and liquor a-flowin?

I just don't understand the whole logic behind this. So, Chris Rock can joke about Michael ("I'm handing in my glove!"), Saturday Night Live can satirize him, and newspapers can even call him "Jacko" but for whatever reason Eminem is a no-no? And...whatabout the other people he mocks in the video? Hammer? Pee-wee Herman? Paris Hilton? Madonna? Who hasn't the man mocked? Why is this even an issue? Because, he's white, and it's always a race issue if a white person happens to have commentary on something that a black person may have done.

I'm torn between what is worse here: that we are expected to ignore the obvious failings of our "icons" simply to promote and unite the "black race," thereby skirting the core issue (eg. these men need help); or that it is unrighteous for folks who are not black to chirp one critical word about our people, lest they be deemed racist.

And, as a journalist, I question the merit behind Steve Harvey's interview(s) with Michael on the Los Angeles' The Beat station in the first place. Since when can you even interview your "friends" anyway? Ahem, ethics anyone?

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A New Low

What has it all come to? I've seen cars 10 years old with rims, even a minivan with spinners. But this is just unacceptable. Spinners for your FEET? For the record, I have to say as a woman that any man who has spinning rims and lives in the hood does nothing more for me than illustrate how frivolous and irresponsible his spending is. I ain't a financial saint, but the line must be drawn somewhere. The spinners for shoes? Done.

***But wait! There's More! Click Here for your very own Pimp Cup!***

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(Don't) Just Do It.

Since I did an article about this organization that recently received a $2.4 million three-year grant for abstinence education, my flame has re-ignited. I said this in high school and it remains my belief: Abstinence is NOT a form of contraception.

The Random House Websters College Dictionary defines contraception as: the deliberate prevention of conception or impregnation by any of various drugs, techniques, or devices; birth control.

Therefore, abstinence does not fall under that definition. I say this because it literally makes no sense. It made no sense when I was 16 and it still doesn't. You can not go to the clinic, or your ob-gyn, or the drug store and ask for a prescription for abstinence the way you would for the Pill, injections, and condoms. Birth control is what is used to prevent STDs and pregnancy when a person has sex. You can not "use" abstinence when having sex to prevent the transmission of disease. The total inaccuracy of this education bothers me (likely why teens who pledge to abstain from sex have high STD infection rates), but it also bothers me when people say that abstinence is in the same rank as birth control methods-which are all physical, tangible preventative techniques-and not think twice about it.

We need to stop miseducating our youth. Rather than totally avoid discussion of sex (read: Abstinence-Only Education) or the reproductive system so that 18 year old girls don't know what a cervix is, we should instead inform them about their bodies, and arm them with as much information as possible. Teach them about abstinence, but only as an "alternative" to sexual intercourse. Birth control is the contraceptive method for sexually active indviduals; therefore it nullifies the concept of abstinence=birth control. Clearly it's not effective in practice, when teens who are only knowledgable about abstinence don't know how to use a condom. It's just plain silly to even entertain the thought that showing a teen how to use a condom, or what a female condom looks like is going to "encourage" them to have sex. And in any case, they were probably already going to have sex anyway so at least you have given them a way of protection. Much like the woman from Advocates for Youth whom I interviewed for my story said, to believe that sex education leads to sexual deviancy is likened to saying giving out umbrellas will cause it to rain. Just foolish.

Much like you cannot apply abstinence as a form of birth control, you do not see women walking around wearing diaphrams for GP. I deliberately omit the Pill in this part of the discussion because it can be prescribed for women who have other female health issues (a two-fer!). But the point remains: just as you can not have abstinence as your method of contraception when having sex, you do not see men walking around wearing condoms just because. One implies the other. Abstinence is the opposite of sex. It is a choice, not a contraception method.

Therefore when we teach our children about sex, we should inform them that they either choose to engage in sexual activity, or they choose not to; however should they choose to have sex, comprehensive sex education will prepare them with contraceptive methods. Abstinence not being one of them.

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I must explain myself

It appears to be true that I haven't written in 17 whole days, which is rather embarrassing for a so-called blogger. And for that I am sorry. My excuse: well, I work at a job that requires constant brain-power, where I'm writing, thinking and writing. When I am not thinking or writing (or sometimes while I'm doing it), I am on the phone. Good grief, if someone had told me that being a journalist meant talking on the phone to people I would have stayed an English major. Such is life. All this to say is that my 9-5 is pretty demanding on the brain. Not to mention that my beautiful eyes (20/17 i think it was last checked) are being ruined from looking at a computer so much. So many times when I get home I don't even want to think about thinking, let alone writing.

There are things I have wanted to write about, like the Los Angeles Sentinel last week publishing on the front page a picture and story about Kobe's accuser. Or even Beanie "I'm a Moron" Sigel being sentenced as "state property," but acting like he's a changed man even though he still faces attempted murder charges. I even want to write about the manifestation of a person's stupidity from behind the wheel. And how could I forget, I always want to post my poetry.

But in addition to my (sigh) job, I have another, equally demanding job: Mommy. That job alone makes it hard to crank out daily blog entries. Try writing a story, a poem, or even an email with "mommy I want some ju-u-u-uice!" ringing in your ear for an entire hour. This also explains why my posts will most likely be during the average blogger's "off-time"--the weekend. And why I'm in front of the computer after midnight during the weekend. So right now, my blogging is minimal, but I am hoping for a more balanced day in the future, so here's to it.

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Me and my Buttercup. 

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Guilty Conscience

we used to walk the fine line
that divided our world between
simply existing and living life.

we were easy with one another
choosing not to implant
expectations or responsibilities
on our companionship
and relishing the ambiguity;

we used to wax
poetic.
philosophical.
rhetoric,
politicking
beneath the ambience
of Columbian beans
and Cinnabons--

but now I'm missing you.

I never had to plead you
to understand me
because you knew
the most tacit language I spoke;

you acted as if I were the sun
to nourish your stem,
the chlorophyl to green your leaves,
when you listened,
never judging or teasing
my eclectic sense of humanity.

We, as we exchanged poetry,
literature,
and just plain old conversation,
were like spirits familiar
from another world.

At your convenience,
I was able to escape the din
my life clanged in my ears.

But now I find myself missing you.

I'm guilty
because I love him
but I'm missing you--

because with you
I never had to explain myself
unless I chose--
because with you I never had to
presume American literature
an absurd pasttime--
because with you
I never became a freak
because you knew and understood
that "I'm an artist,
and I'm sensitive about my shit."

(c) 2003, j.g.h.

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Welcome!

Well, I must say first thanks to memer for telling me about Blogger.

I've ventured on from my LiveJournal site. I'll keep it up until I figure out otherwise. But my new home is here, and I hope you make yourself comfortable.

Here you will find my poetry, rants, tales of motherhood, and whatever I may decide to post. I don't do politics, it gives me hives. So if you're looking for politics, sorry to disappoint.

Feel free to comment. I generally don't bite. Generally.

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1-2-3

Hmm. Seems easy enough.

I think this may work a little better for me. We'll just have to see though. I must admit, this is certainly User Friendly enough for a UCFU (User-Friendly Computer User) like me.

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